In October, the only thing spookier
than Halloween is the dull thud of this month’s movie lineup.
Somebody wake me up when King Kong comes out . . .
October 7
In Her Shoes
What’s worse, that this is basically a lame chick flick starring
Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette and Shirley MacLaine, or that it is
a lame chick flick directed by L.A. Confidential and
8 Mile director Curtis Hanson? You be the judge.
Two For The Money
Whoo-ah! Pacino is back and hammin’ it up with Matthew “Legalize
It” McConaughey in a flick about the crazy nonstop action
world of sports betting. Sounds H.O.T.
Wallace & Gromit: Tale of the Were Rabbit
Whoo-ah! Claymation is back! Now I just want a billion-dollar budget
California Raisins vs. The Noid movie. I’d buy that for a
dollar!
Waiting
Ryan “Van Wilder” Reynolds, who has never been in a
good movie and stunk up Blade Trinity like a fart in a
paper bag, returns in prime form with this lowbrow comedy about
a bunch of goons working in a chain restaurant. I think Reynolds
has a blind chimpanzee picking his scripts.
October 14
Domino
Yeah, yeah we all know saucy sauce-bucket Keira Knightley is in
this latest stylefest from Ridley’s brother Tony Scott, but
did you know that it also has 1) Christopher Walken, 2) Mickey Rouke,
3) Dabney “9 to 5” Coleman, 4) Brian “90210”
Green and last but never least 5) Ian “9021-oh my god!”
Zierling! That’s outrageous!
Elizabethtown
A new Cameron Crowe movie is always something to look forward to,
and I’m looking forward to this one for the big screen debut
of Food Network superstar Paula Dean! That woman cooks with so much
butter, she is the Queen of All Things Butter. I think she also
wants to have sex with Jimmy Carter, but that’s another story.
The Fog
Ann Arbor’s Selma Blair, Tom Welling and Lost’s
Maggie Grace all scream their way through this remake of the classic
John Carpenter fight fest. Word is that this one is actually pretty
good, but if you never seen the original, do yourself a favor and
go rent the DVD. It’s a mama jama.
October 21
Doom
So when my lady and I saw the trailer for the upcoming Pride
and Prejudice flick, she asked if I’d see it with her.
I said if I did, she would have to go see Doom. She asked
what it was about and I said that it is based on a video game and
it has The Rock going around and shooting aliens with a giant gun.
She said she’d go see Pride and Prejudice by herself.
Dreamer
Oh God! Dakota Fanning is back! What? This is about an injured racehorse
that she loves? Kurt Russell is her dad? Is this some kind of sick
joke?
North Country
Watch out! Charlize wants another Oscar! In this one she plays a
female miner who bucks the system and tells the establishment what’s
what! Go get ‘em!
Shopgirl
Steve Martin stars with Claire Danes and Jason Schwartzman in the
film adaptation of his novel. If I read books instead of going to
movies, I’d have something to say about this.
Stay
Ewan “Sorry about The Island” McGregor and Naomi Watts
star in a stylish psychological thriller from Finding Neverland
director Marc Foster. I bet those two make out.
October 28
Legend of Zorro
Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are hoping you remember
that last Zorro movie and go to see this sequel. Little known fact:
The original Banderas’ Zorro director was Sin City helmer
Robert Rodriguez. Apparently he was fired by the studio after they
saw some of his early footage.
Prime
Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep star in this “sophisticated”
New York comedy. By sophisticated I think they mean no gags about
fat kids puking on carnival rides. Oh, Problem Child 2, you still
make me smile . . .
Saw 2
I saw Saw. Did you see Saw? Lots of people saw
Saw. See saw Saw. Cole Slaw. This one has Donnie Wahlberg!
The Weather Man
Nic Cage is a superhero who controls the weather with a magical
jive-talkin’ CGI cat sidekick! Not at all the plot of this
Gore Verbinski-directed comedy.
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