Since the dawn of civilization,
we have told each other stories to answer the deepest questions
of our lives: Why are we here? What is love? What is our true role
on this planet? We often have looked to the great storytellers for
these answers. Their stories usually speak of heroes facing impossible
odds, sinister villains, and in the end, a sense of personal discovery.
A mighty trinity of wise storytellers named Menahem Golan, Yoram
Globus and Sylvester Stallone came together many years ago and created
a fable for the ages known simply as Over the Top. Golan
and Globus not only get the pleasure of having some of the most
fantastic names of all time, but will be remembered forever as the
men who created the short-lived yet long-loved cocaine-fueled film
studio Cannon. As any lover of fine art can tell you, Cannon is
home to ‘80s action megamen like Chuck Bronson, Chuck Norris
and Don “The Dragon” Wilson, and helped launch the inspiring
career of the one and only J.C. Van Damme. Cannon flirted with the
big names of the day by putting out several Schwarzenegger flicks
and getting cozy with the droopy-eyed hero Rocky/Rambo/Cobra himself,
Sylvester “Sly” Stallone. Over the Top deserves
special attention for the top-notch screenplay by the Academy Award-nominated
writer Stallone and direction by mastermind Menahem. Also, it’s
the only film to feature the thrill-a-minute, so-exciting-it’ll-make-you-do-a-backflip
sport Championship Arm Wrestling. Sure, you’ve seen some gosh-darn
exciting arm wrestling before, but have you ever seen it in a totally
legit championship setting? Probably not, and you’ve probably
never wanted to. Understood.
Stallone plays a trucker driver named Lincoln Hawk. That last sentence
is so awesome I could stop right there, but I must continue. Lincoln
Hawk’s heroic journey begins as he separates from his world
of big-rig driving to pick up his rotten 12-year-old son, Michael,
who is attending a military school. This annoying Michael is played
by a Henry Thomas look-alike goon named David Mendenhall. Seems
Michael’s mom is dying of something and her last wish is for
him to get to know his truck-drivin’, steak-eatin’,
arm-wrestlin’ poppa.
Nice last wish, lady. Michael spends most of the movie telling his
dad how much he either loves him or hates him and displaying his
knack of being able to cry on cue. The boy tells Dad that he, his
truck, and everything else about him totally suck. Stallone usually
responds with a slight tilt of the head, a raised eyebrow, or most
excitingly, no reply at all. All of this adds up to outstanding
screen chemistry and gripping cinema as we have two characters who
don’t want to talk to each other on a long-ass California
road trip. It’s just like Sideways, but instead of dry wit,
sophisticated charm and guys talking about wine it’s got Stallone,
a dumb kid, big rigs and Championship Freakin’ Arm Wrestling!
Menahem was freakin’ robbed at the ’87 Oscars, man.
Faster than you can say “Giamotti,” Hawk and Michael
are at a diner when a man with a curly blond mullet approaches the
duo and grunts, “You Hawk? I’m the Smasher!” Hawk
turns his baseball hat backwards, bulges his eyes out and begins
to arm wrestle this gentleman. In the Authurian cycle, the call
to adventure appears as a hermit carrying a message that the adventure
is about to begin. In Over the Top the call to adventure
comes from The Smasher. As Michael asks his Dad where he is going
as he walks off to arm wrestle Mr. Smasher, Lincoln Hawk replies,
“I’m goin’ to work.” Hawk wins, but his
victory does nothing to impress that party-pooper Michael, who snaps
to his dad, “You know, there’s more to life than muscles!”
In the real world, Hawk would have suffered a ‘roid-rage freakout
at that moment and popped off Michael’s head like a month-old
scab, but instead he tells him how he can rest his head on his shoulder
when they sleep. Aw, Lincoln Hawk, ya big softie, you won my heart.
Next thing you know, morning has come and Hawk and son are working
out together in front of the truck as Kenny Loggins sings “Meet
Me Halfway, Across the Sky.” Over the next few scenes, Hawk
teaches Michael not only how to drive a truck and how to arm wrestle,
but offers profound fatherly advice like, “This world meets
nobody halfway. If you want something, you gotta take it”
and “as long as you lose like a winner, it doesn’t matter.”
Michael, just like the audience, swallows these ancient wise words
deeply into his soul. Just as Siegfried reforges his father’s
broken sword and uses it to slay a dragon, Michael uses his father
broken logic to complain and cry some more.
Seems that just when things were starting to go great, little Mikey’s
mom died of her unknown illness. In steps Michael’s scenery-chewing
grandfather, played by the constantly pissed-off Robert Loggia.
Loggia spends most of his screen time spitting out lines like “DAMN
YOU,” screaming in telephones, and calling Lincoln Hawk a
“worthless bastard.” After Mom dies, Michael goes off
to live with Gramps while Hawk sits on the back of his truck, watching
sunsets and dreaming of all the arm wrestling that never was. All
this goes on while a touchingly slow piano version of the lame-a-lot
Loggins song from earlier plays. Excuse me while I pause to wipe
away the waterfall of tears.
Lincoln Hawk finds his extraordinary destiny in the form of the
International Arm Wrestling Championships in Las Vegas just as Michael
finds all the hundreds of letters his dad wrote to him that his
evil grandpa hid from him. He loved him! Can you believe it? Michael
steals a car and smuggles himself onto a plane in order to be there
for his dad. (Doing illegal things on an airplane was much more
common in 1987 than it is today.) Back in Vegas, Hawk is a busy
bee, arm wrestling guys who all have ultra poofy hair, extreme facial
hair, headbands, mullets, and names like Bull and Grizzly. Grizzly
has one of the weirdest moments in the film as he appears to drink
a can of motor oil before arm wrestling while Bull gets to deliver
the juicy juicy line, “Being number one is everything, there
is no second place. Second sucks!” Very true, Bull. Very true.
After having the basic human joy of watching Stallone scream in
slow motion, much to the surprise of no one, the hero’s journey
ends with Lincoln Hawk becoming the world champion of arm wrestling
and winning his son’s love along with a brand new big rig.
If that ain’t the most all American thing ever then I don’t
know what is! The end of Over the Top is so fist-pumping, baby-kissin’,
Budweiser-crackin’ great it had who else but Sammy Hagar screamin’
over the end credits, “Winner takes it all, loser takes the
fall, time to take it OVER THE TOP!” God bless that high-flying
flag of ours.
Why Over the Top didn’t kick Hollywood in the rear
and lead to tons of other arm wrestling movies is way beyond me.
Imagine how much sweeter Million Dollar Baby would have
been if Swank was arm wrestling all through it. Just think,
Cinderella Man could have been all about some dude and the
early days of arm wrestling... Lindsay Lohan arm wrestling a baboon...
The possibilities are endless. Wake up and smell the arm-wrestling
coffee, Hollywood!
Look what it did for Stallone. He had that great boxing reality
TV show and he was in Spy Kids 3-D. He’s doing great!
As for Menahem Golan, he’s flying a chopper somewhere in New
Zealand delivering baby pandas to needy children. Sorry, I made
that up. I actually have no idea what Golan is up to but I can guess
it is close to totally nothing. So go for it, young screenwriters,
make that arm-wrestling movie of your dreams. Just remember, the
world meets nobody halfway. Keep those cards and letters flowin’
in! See ya in the back of the theater!
Email
watchmenow@annarborpaper.com
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