ARIES March 21 - April
19
Every day this month you’ll have feelings similar to reaching
for the toilet paper roll and realizing that there is no tissue
left. On a few days you’ll suffer embarrassment more intense
than that time you had a huge booger rimming your nostril
TAURUS April 20 - May 20
After years of tortured, unfruitful relationships you will finally
meet someone who will change your perspective on life, this fall.
Don’t scare this celestial being away or you will have to
search the sun, moon and stars for eternity trying to find him or
her again.
GEMINI May 21 - June 21
It’s time for you to step out on your own, Gemini. Be brave
although it may seem scary at first, you’ll find that the
single life isn’t much different than the attached. It’s
just more randy, baby, yeah.
CANCER June 22 - July 22
Many things happen when a person ages.They get fat and grow lots
of gnarly hair from even gnarlier places.They also become wiser,
but with wisdom comes responsibility. Now, since you are an adult,
be accountable for your actions.
LEO July 23 - August 22
Too headstrong to pay good heed to advice, you make reckless decisions.This
behavior has gotten you in quite a pickle, and you can’t flirt
your way out of this jar of vinegar. It appears as if you are going
to have to find another way to solve your dispute.
VIRGO August 23 - September 22
Your late night jaunts are getting out of control. You should go
home and catch up on sleep, before you catch something else. Remember
VD doesn’t grow on trees but apples do.
LIBRA September 23 - October 23
Shafted again, Libra. Although you’re not always the perfect
saint you didn’t steal the pizza, the Monkees did and you’re
catching the blame for it. Watch your back, with your luck you could
end up in Davy Jones’s locker.
SCORPIO October 24 - November 21
You don’t always get the recognition you should for your many
accomplishments. You are a very hard worker who deserves more respect
than you get and are entitled to a round of applause once in awhile.
SAGITTARIUS November 22 - December 21
You have completed your challenge, now it is time for you to move
on to your next task. You have worked very hard at your assignment
and will soon receive reward for your achievements.
CAPRICORN December 22 - January 19
Don’t take your stress out on your loved ones after you procrastinated
till the last minute to get something done. It’s nobody’s
fault but your own that your work is incomplete. Next time be better
prepared.
AQUARIUS January 20 - February 18
You have been more assertive lately and are getting the things you
need and want because of it. Your new confidence is becoming and
people are starting to notice that you’re more than a sotted
wad.
PISCES February 19 - March 20
You’ve finally found someone who respects you the same way
you respect them. Your eagerness to give and share your experiences
with your partner, and their mutual respect adds one vital component,
equality, to your relationship. |
