Recent
studies have shown that people the world ‘round are demanding
extreme cinema, but chances are that even the flunky behind the
counter at the video store has no knowledge of the most extreme
movie ever made. Mortal Kombat Annihilation, based on the
infamous Mortal Kombat video game, challenges you, in bold letters
right on the box, to destroy all expectations. So, before you go
remembering that almost every movie based on a video game has been
crap (except Resident Evil, which gets gold stars for featuring
a man fighting a killer laser beam with a karate stance), keep in
mind that to fully enjoy the Annihilation, you must destroy
all expectations, including those related to story, acting, special
effects, sets and pretty much anything else related to film craft.
Only then can you be free to embark upon a long love affair with
solid-gold extremity.
Even before the opening credits, a burly-sounding man cries out,
“MORTAL KOMBAT!” over the glorious hyperactive techno
music that could only have been recorded in the mid-’90s.
After that we meet our heroes, or “chosen fighters from the
Earth realm,” almost all of whom are played by new actors
since the legendary events of the first Mortal Kombat film. Notably
absent is Highlander star and number one weirdo Christopher
Lambert as Lord Rayden. In Annihilation, Rayden is played
by the equally creepy James Remar. One can only wonder why an actor
of Lambert’s esteemed level chose not to appear in Annihilation.
Perhaps the script did not meet his lofty standards.
In the first scene, fireballs and ninjas drop from a cheesily animated
sky, and a dude named Shao-Kahn (Brian Thompson) screams out lines
like, “The Earth was created in six days, so too WILL IT BE
DESTROYED!” while wearing a papier-mache skull mask. Then
supercharged techno starts up again, people start flipping through
the air, and the first big fight begins. Ersatz Christopher Lambert
starts flipping through the air, too, with effects that appear to
have been made by a blind 8-year-old, and one of the “stars”
of the first film is quickly killed off. After that, Shao-Kahn sends
his dancing ninjas after the crew with the blunt order, “ANNIHILATE
THEM!”
After all this ends and Rayden stops proclaiming deep Zen thoughts
(“What closes can also open.”) the chosen fighters casually
walk through a hole in a mountain. There they find giant metal balls
that they can ride to get anywhere on the planet. (The film actually
goes out of its way to offer a “scientific” explanation:
The balls are powered by the inner winds of the Earth.) Seems our
main hero, Liu Kang (Robin Shou) has to use the wind-powered balls
to go find some guy named Nightwolf who can teach him how to find
his inner animal. Nightwolf, played by an actor named Litefoot,
resembles a lame Chippendales dancer whose shtick lies somewhere
between Kiss and The Village People. Along the way we meet Jax,
who has metal arms and gets to say stuff like, “Damn, you
barbecued his ass.” We see kung fu robots that shoot missiles,
two scantily clad women wrestling in mud, and creature effects shoddy
enough to make Ray Harryhausen spin in his grave—and the guy’s
not even dead.
The mysteries of this film can’t be solved by looking to its
director. This was John Leonetti’s only attempt at directing;
as cinematographer he worked on great films like Child’s
Play 3 and Joe Dirt. No answers can be found by looking
at the list of the five men it took to write the script. All of
this just makes me wonder, just who is this wondrous movie intended
for? Is it made for children? Adults? Kung fu lovers? Video game
junkies? People suffering from major head injuries? Drug addicts?
Speed freaks? The answer could be all of the above, but one thing
is for sure, far too few lovers of ridiculous cinema have seen this
one. I had the pleasure of seeing this film during its theatrical
release. I sat in a icy theater in the middle of January while gleefully
sipping away at a Dixie cup filled with Boone’s Farm. A more
fitting way to view Mortal Kombat Annihilation would be
sitting in an IMAX theater while sipping away at Boone’s Farm,
but that’s not likely to happen any time soon. In the meantime,
the widely available and usually deeply discounted DVD can be found
at most stores. There’s no director’s commentary, but
the DVD does feature some breathtaking behind-the-scenes looks at
just how the shockingly stupid and beautiful special effects were
created. Nowhere is there a recommendation that the movie be played
at maximum volume and watched while you’re wearing no shirt
and drinking large quantities of cheap wine, but that’s what
I suggest. Just remember to destroy all expectations and prepare
to be totally annihilated with 98 minutes of over-the-top, nonstop
sweetness. A2P
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