Would you like
to know the perfect recipe for a happy threesome? Are you wondering
how to teach your partner to top? Or do you just want to know
how your man really “measures up”? Well, I have
answers to all these freaky questions and more. Besides, I’m
much more local than Dan Savage, you actually have a chance of a
real reply. But first, who am I? Here’s why you should trust
me.
As for my formal education, I graduated from the University of Michigan
with a bachelor’s degree in women’s studies. My thesis
was on sex work and feminist theory; I examined how class impacts
sex worker experience and theory. My next step will be the Institute
for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for a Ph.D. in sexology.
Beyond academia, I’ve been a sex worker for a couple of years,
doing everything but stripping—though I am game for that too.
I began as a dominatrix. Domination appeals to me; there’s
a little streak in me that’s just plain evil. But I couldn’t
do much because I was living in a dorm. (Trust me, it’s tough
enough to even get basic action.) From there, life pushed me to
explore, and those adventures have left me dancing on the boundary
of public/private life. Most of my current projects are sexual
in nature and range from adult films to erotic art. Having the freedom
to choose my work, however, allows me to take pride in my accomplishments.
I define myself first as a swinger, which is one half of a couple
who regularly has sex with other couples, and I’ve been pursuing
this lifestyle for three years. Swinging can teach you about
love, trust, body issues, commitment, and boundaries, all of which
impact monogamous relationships too, because swinging magnifies
the strengths and limitations of your primary relationship. I also
learned the most important thing in a relationship, which I will
stress constantly in this column, is communication. Without being
able to clearly communicate needs, wants, and desires, your relationships
will suffer. But what happens when what you want to communicate
isn’t exactly plain vanilla? That’s where Sexophile
comes in.
For the record, I’m not a “no strings attached”
swinger. I have been with my boyfriend, who is twenty years
older, for three years, but he shares his time with the girlfriends
who step in and out of my life. I am not active in the polyamorist
community, however, due to competing interests of sex and love (I’m
a dog sometimes. Don’t date me). My bisexuality aligns me
slightly with the LGBT community; I support queer rights, but I
have faced my share of stigma from that community, especially against
promiscuous bisexuals. It gets complicated.
Finally, I would like to include myself among the other deviants.
I can identify with those who like nuns, comic book porn, hung transsexuals,
pony play, watersports and panties. Before this sounds too much
like a satirical personal ad, let me just stop right here. Just
know that it would be hard to shock me. Send your questions to sexophile@annarborpaper.com.
I’m waiting.
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